Circle of healing

II.

Can a man hope to last
Not knowing his past?
If he chooses to stay
Will the world fade away?
-- Steve McDonald --

***

It was nearly too late when Obi-Wan realised what had happened.
"You need to let go, your Majesty."
The queen didn't seem to be able to hear him. Her eyes were wide open and she had started to gasp for air at irregular intervals.
As fast as his still half-sedated body allowed, Kenobi straightened and took hold of the queen's face. With one hand at each side of the beautiful face he forced her to hold eye contact. Deep within her eyes he saw Padmé fighting against the swirl of emotions. He also saw how weak she had already become.
"You must follow me, your Majesty. You need to let go!"
Stormy blue-green eyes bored into the brown ones opposite. Obi-Wan had difficulties in trying to force back the seething panic that threatened to close in on him. For some reason that he could not see, the queen had set up a connection to his mind, and the force was functioning as a perfect conductor.
He knew of the dangers of connections like this - the Council had its reason for prohibiting them as extensively as possible.
Kenobi didn't realise that his hands, still lying on the queen's cheeks, were already starting to leave marks in the tender face. With an incredible amount of willpower he broke the connection of their minds.
Almost instantly they both sank back, exhausted and shaken to the bones.
"I am sorry, your Majesty. . ."
"I didn't know . . ."
Obi-Wan Kenobi closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart down. He needed to be strong now.
When he opened his eyes again, he nearly didn't recognise the queen anymore. Her eyes had grown large and tears hung on the long, almost childlike lashes. Her cheeks were flushed by the marks his hands had imprinted, her hair had fallen out of the usual strict hairstyle and and stray strands lay across her face.
She gazed steadfastly at him.
For a long time.
Sadly.
Guiltily.
Just when he thought he would not be able to take the questioning glance any longer, she said: "Why didn't you tell anyone about it, Jedi Kenobi?"
The protective wall he had learned to erect around his feelings and his thoughts came up so fast that he was certain the queen must have seen it. Whatever he did - this reaction was one of the first Qui-Gon had taught him. Since that time Obi-Wan Kenobi had become a master in masking his feelings.
A disappointed look appeared on the queen's exhausted face. Obi-Wan knew that he wasn't being fair to her, that what had just happened needed an explanation, but he couldn't give it.
Not now.
He needed time to think.

***

Padmé felt fatigue creep into her limbs like lead. Under half-closed lids she watched the Jedi standing on the same window she had closed shortly before. His profile stood out sharply against the bright moonlight. Again and again her eyes closed, and over and over again she forced herself to open them again.
Kenobi hadn't answered her yet.
With a tremendous effort of will she opened her eyes fully and rose. Now that she was up her legs seemed too weak to hold her, just as her eyes seemed too weak to see.
'This is not going to help him', she thought grimly.
Even though she had never actually felt any of it, she knew about the things a Jedi was capable of.
"Even if you convince me of my exhaustion now, I will continue my search for answers, Jedi Kenobi." Even in her ears the words sounded strangely.
Kenobi didn't avert his eyes from the silver hued garden in front of the window.
The lake twinkled.
A night bird called somewhere.
"Did you hear me, Jedi?"
"I did, your Majesty."
Padmé waited a few moments. When she didn't get an answer again, she pulled together all the strength that was left in her tired body and walked over to the Jedi to confront him directly.
"Will you answer me?"
Obi-Wan was surprised to see her standing in front of him so calmly. Her eyes showed no sign of the justified anger that had been so vibrant in her voice.
Something odd was hidden there. Just moments ago those eyes had looked into the deepest abysses of his soul, but now they seemed dull. Within a split second he had caught the other disturbing signals coming from the queen. She held onto the window with one hand - a random gesture for the uninvolved bystander - a plain sign of weakness for the trained eyes of the Jedi.
"Your Majesty?"
Her hand on the window had started to tremble so heavily that the pure effort of controlling that trembling made her knuckles turn white. Padmé indignantly shook her head against an upcoming dizziness. "You will not succeed in doing this, Jedi."
The repetition of this phrase confused Obi-Wan completely. 'Succeed in doing what?'
"You owe me an explanation."
The ground below Padmé started to shake menacingly when her legs started to give way. Reality and the illusions produced by her dizzy brain reunited like two friends long parted. The only thing that held her upright was her hand on the window.
"Answer me, Jedi . . ."
Obi-Wan's Jedi-reflexes allowed him to catch the queen before she actually fell. The body in his arms seemed to weigh almost nothing and was surprisingly cool.
"Sabé!" His voice cut sharply through the velvet-like darkness that lay before him. Faster than Obi-Wan had expected it, the drowsy figure of the handmaiden entered the queen's chamber.
"Yes, master?"
She stifled a yawn behind her hand and was obviously indignant about the disturbance in the middle of the night. One glance at the sunken body of the queen in the arms of the Jedi chased all signs of fatigue out of her. She took the stance of a predatory cat ready to pounce.
"What happened here, master?" Sabé had changed. From one second to the other the attentive handmaiden had become an alarmed bodyguard who glanced warningly in the direction of the Jedi.
"Send a messenger to the healer's temple. The queen is ill."
Still mistrusting Sabé came closer with a catlike grace and looked closely at the queen.
"What happened, master?" she asked again and this time all traces of kindness were gone.
"Send the messenger, handmaiden." Obi-Wan took up the quick duel of authorities. "The queen is in an urgent need of help. Help I cannot offer."
He couldn't tell what exactly made Sabé trust him - the true concern in his voice or the total absence of signs of a fight - but the handmaiden straightened up.
"Let me get you a stretcher."
All of a sudden Kenobi felt perfectly clear how troubled the force was swirling around the queen. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.
"No time."
With a quick movement he took the queen in his arms and ran up to the huge columned hall with lengthy steps.
The way to the Healers Temple was endless.

***

 

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